


Psychedelic Pollen and Dalek Squirrels

by Kelkat9



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-08
Updated: 2011-10-08
Packaged: 2017-11-17 14:00:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/552313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kelkat9/pseuds/Kelkat9
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>  Team Tardis deals with dalek squirrels, leather and various naughtiness</p>
            </blockquote>





	Psychedelic Pollen and Dalek Squirrels

**Author's Note:**

> for [](http://bad-wolf-rising.livejournal.com/profile)[**bad_wolf_rising**](http://bad-wolf-rising.livejournal.com/) prompt. This is only my second Nine fic so hopefully it's not too OOC. Uh, I don't normally write this genre but I was inspried by [](http://10docandr.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://10docandr.livejournal.com/)**10docandr**
> 
>   
>   
> [](http://pics.livejournal.com/kelkat9/pic/0000xksp/)  
>   
> 

The first thing the Doctor noticed was he was not on the Tardis. He was laying on a red velvet chaise lounge in an old Victorian type garden. He could smell jasmine and a cool breeze delicately jostled the hydrangeas nearby. He sat up and looked down to find he was dressed in tight leather trousers that laced up at the crotch and black riding boots. He was shirtless except for his black leather jacket. He stood up looking around for his missing companions wondering what was going on. The last thing he remembered was joking with Rose and Jack around the Tardis console.

He heard a woman call out “Stop that you bloody little robot tree rats” He recognized Rose’s voice and ran toward where he heard her cursing. It didn’t take him long loping through the blooming garden as he zoned in on her location. He soon realized, her shouts were coming from a white ornate gazebo at the end of the stone path he was following.

He slowed down and reached into his pocket for his sonic only to find a silver tube with banana flavored lube imprinted on the side instead. “Jack,” he said, with annoyance.

Rose shouted, “Ouch, you bloody little gray fuzzball! That hurt!”

Immediately, he went into “Protect Rose” mode and stealthily entered the gazebo prepared to rain Oncoming Storm on anyone or thing that dared hurt his Rose. The sight before him stunned him into silence and siphoned all the Oncoming Storm right out of him. A very annoyed Rose Tyler stood in the middle of the gazebo dressed in a black leather corset with pink ribbons lacing up the sides, with her hair in curls about her shoulders and black stiletto boots up to her knees with black stockings with little pink ribbons along the garters. She was holding a black leather riding crop and swatting at dalek headed squirrels which were chattering the equivalent to exterminate and shooting electrical charges at her. She yelled out “Ouch!” and swatted one of the dalek squirrels and kicked another one with her boot clad foot sending it flying out of the gazebo.

The Doctor was mesmerized first by a leather clad Rose whose ample breasts were bursting forth from the corset and next by the dalek squirrels flying through the air after being swatted and kicked by her. His mouth opened and closed a few times before his big Time Lord brain processed the scene in front of him. “Rose!”

Rose turned and faced him looking annoyed. “Well don’t just strand their gapin! Do something! Can’t you sonic em or something?” she asked, as she swatted another dalek squirrel. The Doctor smirked as he watched his cute pink and yellow girl shout and threaten dalek squirrels with the riding crop and may have had a few thoughts about what else she could do with that riding crop when it occurred to him that she was swatting _Dalek mutated squirrels_.

“Daleks!” he shouted out, before walking over to stand next to Rose and swiftly kicking the dalek squirrels out of the gazebo. Once they had eliminated the mutant squirrel attack, he paused to look around the gazebo. Along the sides of the of the gazebo were cushioned benches and lounge chairs filled with pillows and scattered about on tables were padded handcuffs, leather restraints, vials with edible massage oils and other more creative Fifty-First century sex toys.

“I’m gonna kill Harkness when I find him,” the Doctor announced. He turned to find Rose picking up a set of hyper vibrating self lubricating pleasure balls with a look of intense scrutiny on her face. The Doctor grabbed them from her and set them down on a table. She looked up at him and then began examining him her gaze lingering on his waist.

“Rose,” he said, his voice deepening a bit even if her examination may have made him a bit nervous. She looked back up grinning and showing just a bit of pink tongue.

“Like the new look,” she teased.

“Well you should talk,” he told her pretending to be offended, but looking a bit pleased. “Come on, Barbarella. We’re gonna find out what’s goin on here.” She smirked, tugged at her boots a bit admiring them and then grabbed his hand.

“So, last thing I remember is bein on the Tardis listenin to Jack tell us about some story about a scam he pulled on some planet called Farrazzo and then I woke up here with those creepy dalek squirrel things mucking about and shootin at me. What you think happened?” Rose asked.

“Dunno but it has Harkness written all over it,” he said, as he grumpily stomped down a stone path practically yanking her forward. They made quite a pair with the tall angry leather clad, bare chested Time Lord practically dragging the voluptuous leather corseted and black booted pink and yellow girl holding a black riding crop as they made their way through the sunny and blooming garden.

Soon, the manicured English garden metamorphosed into a more tropical environment with orchids, birds of paradise, palm trees and other lush vegetation. The stone path led to a bamboo bridge that crossed a stream cascading over black smooth river rocks. Just as Rose was about to ask the Doctor about the change, she heard music playing and singing.

"Come on!" the Doctor said gruffly, and pulled her along. The path ended amidst some broad leaved green vegetation which the Doctor pushed aside leading them to a clearing.

"Oh my Gawd!" Rose said, as she beheld a large wooden soaking tub with a very happy Jack Harkness surrounded by young beautiful naked beings, alien and human alike.

"What have you done!" the Doctor demanded, glaring at Jack.

"Doctor, Rose, welcome to the party and I must say, you two look even more scrumptious than usual. Love the riding crop sweetheart!" Jack said, and winked at Rose who gripped the riding crop even tighter in her hand thinking it would be good for more than smacking Dalek squirrels.

"Jack, what's goin on?"

"Uh, you tell me. I came to sitting in this very friendly place surrounded by these frisky and beautiful people," he said, kissing the hand of the green skinned girl who giggled at his compliment.

"All right, everybody out!" the Doctor shouted and began waiving off all of Jack's groupies.

"Hey! We were just gettin to the good stuff," Jack complained, and then scrutinized the Doctor's leather pants paying particular attention to the knotted tether at his waist where his crotch laced up. "You know Doctor, you should really..."

"Stop it!" the Doctor warned, his blue eyes not the least bit amused.

"Oh come on, give me a break! You two wander up out of some BDSM paradise looking way to cozy in all that tight leather and by the way Rose, the black leather corset with the pink is stunning. You expect me not to you know, notice," he said, with a smirk now staring the Doctor's bared chest.

"You did this didn't you, Jack! What was it this time. You release some hallucinogenic psychotropic drug in my Tardis? Is this some perverted fantasy of yours?"

"What, you mean we’re in one of Jack's wet dreams?" Rose asked, and turned to Jack popping one hip out and smacking the riding crop against her leg threateningly. "That why I was surrounded by all the sex toys?"

"Hey! I didn't do anything! Last thing I knew we were talking in the Tardis. Just talking, despite my best efforts to make things more interesting. You think I'd chance this one tossing me out into the vortex?" Jack asked, nodding his head toward the Doctor as he leaned on the edge of the hot tub.

The Doctor began to pace back and forth looking around.

"Why don't you just pull out your sonic and see if we've been transmatted somewhere?" Jack asked.

"Do you think I wouldn't have done that already if I could!" the Doctor retorted.

"What? Someone took your sonic?" Rose asked.

"Something like that." he mumbled.

Rose walked over and smacked Jack on the shoulder with the riding crop.

"Ow! What was that for? I mean if you want to play rough sweetheart I'm all for it but let's find some place comfy."

"That's for takin the Doctor’s sonic and for the dalek squirrels."

"Dalek squirrels?"

After Rose mentioned them, the dalek squirrels began running through the clearing chattering their little squirrelly version of exterminate.

“Not again,” Rose moaned, holding up her riding crop.

“What the hell are those things?” Jack asked as one shot at him and he ducked down in the water.

“Well you should know!” Rose shouted back, as she threw a pillow at one and smacked another one with her riding crop. It didn’t take long before she and the doctor, working together, cleared the area of the annoying squirrelly menace.

The Doctor turned to Jack. "Who sees a squirrel and thinks it could be a little more Dalek!" he said annoyed.

“Not me. I’ve never seen anything like those things.”

“This is a dream. we’re in some kind of shared dream state,” the Doctor concluded. All of this stuff is coming from us.” The Doctor turned toward Jack who was smirking. “Don’t start! I did not think about you naked in some hot tub orgy with your sex toys laying around.”

“Oh yeah, wonder who thought of Rose over there in leather and pink ribbons or how about your new look,” Jack said grinning. “It’s lookin to me like you’ve been having some thoughts Doctor. I don’t think the riding crop or that delightful looking bowl of bananas and chocolate sauce over their came from me,” Jack said cockily, inclining his head toward a bowl filled with bananas sitting next to a carafe of chocolate sauce.

"This is not a contest as to whose the biggest pervert!" Rose shouted, standing in between them and thrusting out her bosom which drew the Doctor's eyes like magnets. He smirked a bit and stood up straighter.

"Rose is right. It's stupid to fight about it. We hafta figure out what happened. So, we all remember bein on the Tardis in the console room listen to Jack's randy tales about connin up some Sebecian oil traders."

"Hey! That was a great story and an even better con," Jack said, winking at Rose who rolled her eyes and walked over to a cushioned bench and plopped down.

"So somethin happened while we we're talkin," the Doctor continued ignoring Jack and pacing He started muttering to himself and tapping himself on the head. Rose exhaled, leaned back and toyed with the riding crop. She lazily stared at the Doctor’s very fine leather encased bum and smiled thinking of a particularly juicy fantasy. Suddenly the world around them shifted. The Doctor looked up. "What the..." before he finished, everything changed and they were back on the Tardis still dressed the same except Jack was muzzled and chained to wall, naked. The Doctor was laying on a large, ornate four poster bed without his leather coat and with his hands handcuffed to the wrought iron headboard and Rose was straddling him still holding the riding crop. She looked down a little guiltily and chewed her bottom lip.

"Oops," she whispered.

"Oops?" the Doctor replied, staring at where Rose was straddling him her thighs clinging to the outside of his still leather clad hips and hitting him in all the right spots. "Whadda you mean oops?"

“Nothin.”

Jack made some muffled sounds as he struggled against the restraints holding him to the wall and then he winked at Rose. Rose, realizing he was starkers, blushed a bit before looking back the Doctor. He looked at restrained and gagged Jack and grinned.

“I might like this dream world!” he told her with a huge grin, his eyes sparkling at her. “Don’t suppose you’d like to uncuff me?” he asked her , his eyebrows raised.”

“Oh yeah, of course.” Still straddling him she looked around for a key to the handcuffs binding him to the bed. “Umm, don’t suppose you’ve seen any keys?” She leaned over him to check the bedside table and in the process unintentionally shoving her bosom in the Doctor’s face. He inhaled and sighed as she opened a drawer and let out a little happy “Yes” as she bounced about on top of him. His eyes glazed over as he looked at her smiling and happily bouncing on top of him. He may have been grinning. She crawled up over him, once again giving him access to intimate Rose parts and unlocked the cuffs. He brought his arms forward and rubbed his wrists.

“Doctor, I’m so sorry are you okay?”

“Been through worse me,” he answered, looking up at Rose’s worried face. “Course, maybe I should be worried. We were talkin about dreams when you said oops weren’t we? So that would mean, Rose Tyler, you were thinking some intrestin thoughts.” He held up the handcuffs and dangled them in front of her as she blushed and looked guilty. Then she looked at his smirking face. She decided he was having too much fun teasing her.

“Yeah well, girl can dream cant’ she?” she said, and took her riding crop and drew it down his bare, well muscled chest. “So, if this is a dream, it’s not like we’re really doin this is it?” she asked, with a wicked grin. “So if I was to say, do this.” She leaned over, pressing her bosom against his chest and snogged him, holding his arms down. When she stopped she lifted a few inches away from him and looked into this timeless blue eyes which were now sparking with something she had never seen before.

“Rose, this is… We can’t…”

“It’s just a dream Doctor. Maybe it’s time you had good dream for a change.” His eyes widened as Rose reached down and unlaced her corset freeing her breasts. She took his large, callused hands and placed them on the top of her garter where he slowly traced the pink bows. She ran her hands up his arms until she reached his chest and trailed her fingers lightly down until she reached his waist and the leather bindings lacing up his leather pants. He shuddered and moaned as she slowly and tortusly unlaced the now bulging leather trousers until all his well endowed Time Lord bits were standing ripe and ready for his pink and yellow human to envelope and caress. Jack moaned still bound to the wall as he watched Rose lick her lips and as the Doctor cupped Roses breasts.

Rose moaned as the Doctor trailed his hands down to her hips swiftly making short work of the rest of the corset until she felt his cool firm touch at the apex of her thighs. He was even better than she imagined as he teased, caressed and tantalized her until she was rocking into him. In one swift move she raised herself up and sank herself on to him. He gasped her name as she rocked into him. She felt his hands grasp her hips firmly and pull her down to him as he bucked into her. When she was finally able to open her eyes, she looked into his and lost all sense of anything other than him or the delicious heat and tightening delight each rocking motion brought her.

Suddenly he growled, twisted and rolled over so she was laying on the bed with an aggressive, sexy Time lord madly thrusting into her. She tightened her legs around his hips, the points of her stiletto heels digging into him. She grabbed the riding crop and smacked him on the back begging him not stop. Each smack seemed to drive him mad and strings of alien languages flowed from his mouth like music always ending with “Rose Mine” until they both screamed. A light flashed and they were back in the console room laying on the cold grating. Rose sat up and wearily looked around. The Doctor was slumped over the console and stood up staring at the time rotor.

Jack sat up smirking a bit looking from Rose to the Doctor. The Doctor leaned over and wiped his finger across the console looking at a bluish residue. “Psychic pollen from the Candle Meadows of Karass Don Slava . Must have been stuck in the Time Rotor and been knocked loose. Has a mild psychic effect on most species. Puts em in a dream state and feeds off emotions.”

Rose looked at him blushing and then stared at the grating biting her lip and playing with the her denim mini skirt. Finally, Jack could not stand it any longer.

“So, psychedelic pollen huh. And you told me I had to buy you a drink first.”

“Jack!” the Doctor said, in a firm no nonsense tone.

“Rose, you all right,” he asked, in a softened tone.

Rose looked up at him still chewing her lip a bit and nodded her head. “Yeah, fine. You know, think I’ll just take a bit of walk.” She stood up and walked toward the corridor and turned around and smiled.

“I might go lookin for that ridin crop, just in case we were to, I dunno, run into some dalek squirrels,” she said, toying with her scarf and looking at the time rotor before looking into the Doctor’s eyes. “Ridin crops can be a bit useful.” She smiled brightly and slowly made her way down the corridor. The Doctor paused, hit some controls and turned to Jack, “Don’t break anything.” and turned to follow Rose.

“So this is the part where I…” Jack started but the Doctor turned and interrupted him.

“Stay here and watch the controls while I give Rose a hand.” The Doctor gave Jack one more stern look before practically running after Rose.

Jack walked over, leaned against the console and looked up at the time rotor and grinned. “Psychic pollen. You are good,” he told the Tardis, and patted the time rotor.


End file.
